he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
