y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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