Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
