I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
