If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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