im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
