I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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