i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
