Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
