You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my poor anus
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
