saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
