Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
