you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
