So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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