I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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