never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
