Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
