shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
