she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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