oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
