Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
