My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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