For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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