My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
