im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
