i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
