my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
