He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
someone owes me an orgasm
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
