Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
