My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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