im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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