I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
