after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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