Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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