Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
