His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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