the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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