How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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