if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
