I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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