I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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