Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
