ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
