awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
