Cold hands, warm shart.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
