Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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