We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
