one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
