I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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