i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
