We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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