I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
