Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
