Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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