Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
