dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
