So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
