The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
