Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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