we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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