The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
