Swine flu. Run for my life!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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