i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
