After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
