just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
