I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
