Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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