I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had to coat check the pizza.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
