Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
