Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
