If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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