If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize