The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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