about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
