My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
