My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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